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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
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00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:11,219
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
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♪ Guys like us We had it made ♪
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♪ Those were the days ♪
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♪ And you knew
Where you were then ♪
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♪ Girls were girls
And men were men ♪
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♪ Mister, we could use a man
Like Herbert Hoover again ♪
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♪ Didn't need No welfare state ♪
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♪ Everybody pulled His weight ♪
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♪ Gee, our old
LaSalle Ran great ♪
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♪ Those were the days ♪♪
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"Aha...
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"Ahead...
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Ahoy"...
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Oh, hi, Ma.
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Oh, Gloria, I'm
glad you're home.
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Maybe you can help me.
18
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Sure, Ma. What with?
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How do you spell "aa-ooga"?
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What?
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How do you spell "aa-ooga"?
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I've been looking it
up in the dictionary,
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but they don't have it.
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I don't think I ever
heard that word before.
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What do you need it for, Ma?
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I'm writing a true
humorous anecdote
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for the Reader's Digest.
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If they like it,
they'll pay me $100.
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Do you want to read it to me?
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Oh, no, it ain't good
enough to read yet.
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I just wrote it in pencil.
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It'll be much better
when I write it in pen.
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Come on, Ma.
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I want to hear it.
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All right.
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"Once upon a time,
when I was 7 years old,
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"my cousin Frank
drove up in his new car,
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a used Hupmobile."
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Oh, I'll never forget that car.
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It had a running board
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and a thermometer
on the radiator cap
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and everything.
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Come on, Ma, read me the rest.
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Oh, yeah.
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"Cousin Frank drove up and said,
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"'Who wants to go for a ride?'
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"Well, of course,
we all said, 'I do, '
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"so he cranked up the car,
and the whole family piled in.
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"'Here we go, ' said
Cousin Frank and...
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and blew his horn, 'aa-ooga.'"
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"Aa-ooga."
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Now, this is where
you can help me, Gloria.
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I can say "aa-ooga,"
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but I don't know
how to write it.
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Well, I'll help
you with that later,
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but finish the story, Ma. Okay.
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"Cousin Frank started the car.
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"Everybody cheered,
'Hooray, ' and waved goodbye.
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"We drove all the
way up to the corner,
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and while we were still
waving, the car broke down."
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And then what happened?
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Oh, lots, but it ain't funny.
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I just wrote the funny part.
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Do you like it?
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Oh, yeah, Ma, I like it.
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Then why ain't you laughing?
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Oh, well, I...
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I'm just kind of
tired from work,
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but it was a funny story, Ma.
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Do we have any coffee?
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Oh, yeah, I just
made some fresh.
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Oh, I'll get it.
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Leave me alone, will you?
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Just get away from me. No!
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You got to think
about these things.
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Why should I think
about pollution?
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I'm used to it.
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Ain't this nice?
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Both men coming
home at the same time.
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How was your day?
81
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Oh, it was rough, Ma...
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Wait a minute.
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She's asking me about my day,
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not yours.
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Since when do you own the day?
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I had a day too.
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But she's asking
me about my day,
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right, Edith? EDITH: Oh, yeah.
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I was going to ask you, Mike,
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but I was asking Archie first.
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How was your day?
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I don't want to talk about it.
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Oh.
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Well, then, how
was your day, Mike?
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Well...
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Like all his other
days. Unemployed.
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Look, Arch, don't start with me.
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I had a rough day today
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and I don't need you...
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Stop it, both of you,
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stop it!
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Just once I'd like to leave work
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and enjoy a quiet
evening at home.
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Don't complain to
me. Complain to him.
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I was coming home from work,
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feeling like the
Bluebeard of happiness.
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I meet this guy out
in the street there
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and right away he starts
an argument with me.
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What are you
talking about, Arch?
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I think we'll all feel better
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with a nice, hot meal.
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I'll get dinner.
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Hi, Michael, honey.
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Hi, honey.
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Aw, cut that out, will you?
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It sounds like a whole lot
of used plumbing back there.
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How did your day go today?
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Oh, I'm really tired, Gloria.
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I had a tough exam,
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then I just spent three hours
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down at McGovern headquarters
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on the phone.
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Oh, yeah, well,
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I hear it takes a while to
get through to the Kremlin.
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Daddy, how many times
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have I got to tell you...?
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Gloria, Gloria,
Gloria, that's all right.
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That's all right. Let
him keep talking.
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Maybe one of these days
he'll say something intelligent.
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Like that.
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How crude, Daddy.
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Dinner will be
another five minutes,
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so I thought you'd like a beer.
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Yeah, all right,
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just leave it there, will you?
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Look at these damn bills here.
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Consolidated Edison.
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00:05:45,377 --> 00:05:46,922
Here's one. The phone company.
139
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The water bill here.
Look at this, $16.80.
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Lucky me.
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I got the only Polack
who showers regularly.
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Here's a dime, Arch.
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Oh, a dime ain't gonna
pay for all of your showers.
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No, but it'll pay for yours.
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Shut up.
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Come on, Arch,
why are you uptight?
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Took your mind
off the bills, didn't it?
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Here's something for you here,
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and wouldn't you know,
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eight cents postage due.
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Even his mail is
on the cuff, Edith.
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Oh, boy.
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Will you go get supper
on the table, huh?
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Gloria, let's set the table.
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All right, Ma.
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Hey, Gloria...
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I inherited $500.
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What?
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What's that? You inherited $500?
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Yeah, my Uncle Alex died.
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Who's Uncle Alex?
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00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:46,281
Well, the last time I saw him,
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I was around 8 years old.
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He was the first Stivick
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to come over from
Poland to America.
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He made it big here
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and he sent money for
my father to come over.
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Ain't that interesting, Archie?
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If it wasn't for his Uncle Alex,
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Mike would be in
Poland right now.
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Out of respect for the dead,
I ain't going to say nothing.
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Michael, this check
is only for $275.
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00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,515
Yeah, well, it explains here
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that they took
out the difference
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to recover my
uncle's back taxes.
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Oh.
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Gee, almost half.
I don't believe it.
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Wow.
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00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,424
I never thought I'd
live to see the day
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when the meathead
would have a tax problem.
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See, that's the difference
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00:07:32,851 --> 00:07:34,262
between you and me, Arch.
183
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:36,831
I don't mind paying taxes
if I know that the money's
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00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:38,366
going to be used
for good things.
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00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:40,835
But do you know what Nixon's
going to do with my money?
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00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,770
He's going to use
it to buy a bomb
187
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and blow up a
Vietnamese village.
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00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:45,307
That's for your
protection, buddy.
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You want them gooks
190
00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:48,698
riding the subways with you?
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00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:51,913
That's right, Arch.
192
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That's every Oriental's dream,
193
00:07:53,538 --> 00:07:57,819
to ride the I.R.T.
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00:07:57,843 --> 00:07:59,955
Michael, $275 is a lot of money.
195
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,390
Are we going to
save it or spend it?
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00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:04,725
Well, I don't know. I
got to think about it.
197
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:05,961
Uh, yeah, well,
198
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,728
maybe I could help
you with that problem.
199
00:08:07,752 --> 00:08:09,664
Why don't you look around, see?
200
00:08:09,688 --> 00:08:12,822
And find out if you
owe anybody anything.
201
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:17,427
And then pay that person.
202
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:21,776
I don't owe anybody, Arch.
203
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,080
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
204
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:26,814
What about your landlord,
205
00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:28,984
which happens to be I?
206
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,585
What about living here free,
207
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:32,220
room and board, for two years?
208
00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:33,654
Not to mention the depreciation
209
00:08:33,678 --> 00:08:35,523
on your bedroom up there.
210
00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:37,125
Arch, I've been keeping a record
211
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:38,393
of every penny I owe you,
212
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:40,028
but don't you remember the deal?
213
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,596
I stay here till I finish school
214
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,131
and get a job,
215
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,333
and then I'll pay you
back, with interest.
216
00:08:45,357 --> 00:08:46,501
By the time that happens,
217
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:48,845
I'll be rooming with
your Uncle Alex.
218
00:08:51,596 --> 00:08:52,740
Look, Arch...
219
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,909
Arch, believe me, if there
was an emergency here,
220
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:56,144
I'd give you this check
221
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:57,379
without thinking twice about it,
222
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:58,613
but right now,
223
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,681
I'd like to use the money
for something special.
224
00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:02,050
Something special? What?
225
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,218
Well, like, uh...
226
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,452
Like getting Gloria
227
00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:05,653
that winter coat
she's been needing.
228
00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:06,654
Oh, Michael, really?
229
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:07,655
Yeah.
230
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:08,890
Oh, thank you, honey.
231
00:09:08,914 --> 00:09:10,425
Oh, beautiful,
beautiful. A winter coat.
232
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:11,826
How much is that going to take?
233
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:12,827
I don't know. How much?
234
00:09:12,851 --> 00:09:13,828
Uh, around $80.
235
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:14,896
$80.
236
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,431
Well, all right,
237
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:19,000
what are you going to do with
the other 'round about $200?
238
00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:20,335
Well, that I'd like to use
239
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:21,702
for something really important.
240
00:09:21,726 --> 00:09:23,471
Like what?
241
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:25,535
Like giving it to the
McGovern campaign.
242
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:35,116
Are you kidding me?
243
00:09:35,140 --> 00:09:36,584
No, I'm not kidding, Arch.
244
00:09:36,608 --> 00:09:38,653
There's a real
emergency. Don't you see?
245
00:09:38,677 --> 00:09:40,522
The election's only
two weeks away
246
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,357
and they need the
money desperately.
247
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:43,425
Do you mean to say
248
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,193
that you'd give
$200 to them people
249
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,328
and forget all about
your own family here?
250
00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:48,963
Arch, I'm doing
it for my family,
251
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:51,499
because I want to keep
us living in a democracy.
252
00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:53,268
What the hell are
you talking about?
253
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,902
I'm talking about the fact
254
00:09:54,926 --> 00:09:56,304
that the Republicans
have over $30 million,
255
00:09:56,328 --> 00:09:58,106
while the Democrats
had to put on a telethon
256
00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:59,507
just to keep their
heads above water.
257
00:09:59,531 --> 00:10:00,975
Your head is under water!
258
00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:02,110
You hear this guy, Gloria?
259
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:03,611
Are you gonna stand there?
260
00:10:03,635 --> 00:10:05,012
You hear what your
husband is saying?
261
00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:06,448
You're going to let him do that?
262
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:07,482
Why not?
263
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,683
Arch, don't you see?
264
00:10:08,707 --> 00:10:09,951
The party with the money
265
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:11,686
can afford to buy
TV and radio time
266
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,521
to get their message
across to the people.
267
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:15,390
The other party
doesn't stand a chance!
268
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:16,624
Before you know it,
269
00:10:16,648 --> 00:10:17,925
you've lost the
two-party system.
270
00:10:17,949 --> 00:10:19,961
Gee, it's getting like
politics in America
271
00:10:19,985 --> 00:10:21,162
is only for the rich.
272
00:10:21,186 --> 00:10:23,698
Who's been feeding
you that commie crapola?
273
00:10:23,722 --> 00:10:26,934
President Eisenhower said that.
274
00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,269
He did not!
275
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:29,770
Eisenhower was a great president
276
00:10:29,794 --> 00:10:31,728
who never said nothing.
277
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:38,580
He did too, Daddy.
278
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,082
Eisenhower made
that statement in 1968.
279
00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:43,218
I saw it in the Reader's Digest.
280
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:46,409
Oh! I wonder if
they paid him $100.
281
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,891
And I wonder if you
282
00:10:50,915 --> 00:10:52,616
could get the
supper on the table!
283
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:56,030
$200. I can't believe it.
284
00:10:56,054 --> 00:10:58,266
I can't believe that
you'd give $200
285
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,267
to them McGoverns.
286
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:00,435
Why not, Arch?
287
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,237
I want to help him get
his message across.
288
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,438
I can tell you
McGovern's message
289
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:04,772
in three words. What?
290
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,374
"I wanna be president."
291
00:11:06,398 --> 00:11:07,842
Message ended.
292
00:11:07,866 --> 00:11:09,511
Well, McGovern
should be president.
293
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:12,413
Nixon hasn't kept
any of his promises.
294
00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:13,948
He promised to end the war,
295
00:11:13,972 --> 00:11:16,518
to reduce unemployment
and to stop inflation.
296
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:21,289
Don't be picking on a man
over minor details like that!
297
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:23,291
The American people
don't elect a president
298
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,425
over that stuff anyhow.
299
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:25,893
They don't like a
guy like McGovern,
300
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,095
who's running around
changing his mind all the time.
301
00:11:28,119 --> 00:11:31,966
They want a man like Nixon,
who don't change for nothing.
302
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:34,536
You're right about that, Arch.
303
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,504
He keeps making
the same mistakes
304
00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:38,640
over and over again.
305
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:39,874
Listen,
306
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:41,676
I don't want to hear
nothing more from you,
307
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,511
because you've been
freeloading here off of me
308
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:46,414
for the last two years, I
ain't said a word. What?!
309
00:11:46,438 --> 00:11:47,515
What are you talking about?
310
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:49,116
Daddy, you pick
on him all the time!
311
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:50,485
All you've been
doing is complaining!
312
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:53,020
Don't run away. Don't
run away from the facts.
313
00:11:53,044 --> 00:11:55,022
For the first time in your
life, a miracle happens.
314
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:57,192
You get a little lump
of dough in your fist.
315
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,394
You could do the right
thing and give it to me,
316
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,795
but you don't see it that way.
317
00:12:00,819 --> 00:12:02,797
How does anybody
get through to you?
318
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:04,332
Dinner!
319
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:07,802
Oh, that's how they
get through to him!
320
00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:10,104
Look at him,
running for the chow,
321
00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:12,840
like Rin-Tin-Tin.
Oh, Archie, give it up.
322
00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:13,941
Daddy,
323
00:12:13,965 --> 00:12:15,343
if Michael wants
to give his money
324
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,345
to a worthy cause,
that's his business.
325
00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:18,979
Listen, where's
your family feeling?
326
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:20,915
You went to Sunday
school, didn't you? Huh?
327
00:12:20,939 --> 00:12:22,317
Try and remember
what the Bible says
328
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,484
about charity.
329
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,487
"It's better to give
than to receive."
330
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:28,489
That's Aesop's fables.
331
00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:29,724
The Good Book says
332
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,559
that charity begins
and ends at home.
333
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,794
Look at him there.
He's eating so fast,
334
00:12:33,818 --> 00:12:35,096
sparks are flying
335
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,098
out of his knife and fork.
336
00:12:37,122 --> 00:12:38,499
I'll eat in the kitchen!
337
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:39,800
You could eat on the porch.
338
00:12:39,824 --> 00:12:41,603
It's still the food
I paid for, buddy!
339
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,705
Oh, Archie, don't
talk to him like...
340
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,106
And you, my wife,
cooking for him!
341
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,107
I don't mind.
342
00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:47,342
That's going to stop now,
343
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,509
until he starts
344
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:49,711
chipping in for something.
345
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:50,845
Well,
346
00:12:50,869 --> 00:12:53,047
if that's the way
you want it, okay.
347
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,982
I'm working, so
I'll pay for the food,
348
00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:56,817
and what's more,
I'll cook for him!
349
00:12:56,841 --> 00:12:58,319
I can, you know. I can cook!
350
00:12:58,343 --> 00:13:00,622
This is your father
you're talking to here.
351
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,357
And in case you're
worried about tonight,
352
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,248
anything we eat, I'll pay for!
353
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,034
You hear your daughter,
354
00:13:14,058 --> 00:13:15,536
turning on her father that way?
355
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,638
22 years,
356
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,740
I never heard her
open her yap like that!
357
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,007
But she's just sticking up
358
00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:21,242
for her husband.
359
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,447
For the life of me,
360
00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:28,883
I'll never understand women.
361
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:31,152
The way they marry
some guy who goes
362
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:33,087
and makes a
damn fool of himself,
363
00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:35,511
but still, they love him.
364
00:13:37,182 --> 00:13:40,016
That's right, Archie.
365
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,613
Oh, hi, Gloria.
366
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,414
How was your day?
367
00:14:00,438 --> 00:14:01,849
I don't have time to talk, Ma.
368
00:14:01,873 --> 00:14:03,450
I got to start Michael's dinner.
369
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:07,154
Oh, dear, I wish we could
all get back to eating together,
370
00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:08,723
the same food
371
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:11,726
in the same room
at the same time.
372
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,227
Talk to Daddy about that.
373
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:14,695
Well, I tried to this morning,
374
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:16,397
but he's still mad.
375
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:19,466
Why are you home
so late, Gloria?
376
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,402
Well, I stopped by
the school to vote
377
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:22,803
and so did everybody else.
378
00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:24,471
You should have seen that line.
379
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:28,643
Ma, what's your laundry
doing in the refrigerator?
380
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:29,977
I'm keeping it damp,
381
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:32,847
because I'm gonna
iron it right after dinner.
382
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:34,015
Ma, please,
383
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,816
I can't get through
to my vegetables.
384
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,451
All right, Gloria.
385
00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:40,254
You don't have to get so upset!
386
00:14:40,278 --> 00:14:43,123
After all, I'm just as worked up
387
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:44,926
about the last couple of weeks
388
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,594
as you.
389
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:49,396
Why didn't you
vote this morning?
390
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:52,199
Your store gave
you the time off.
391
00:14:52,223 --> 00:14:54,501
Because I wanted to spend
some time with Michael.
392
00:14:54,525 --> 00:14:56,503
I never see him anymore
except dinner time.
393
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:59,006
Well, why does he have
to run off to the library
394
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,407
every night?
395
00:15:00,431 --> 00:15:02,176
Why can't he study at home?
396
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,879
Because he needs
special books, Ma.
397
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:06,681
Ma, where's my tomato?
398
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,348
What?
399
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:10,417
I bought two tomatoes yesterday
400
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,119
and I used one last night,
401
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:14,354
and I was saving
one for tonight.
402
00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:16,356
Oh, I'm sorry, Gloria.
403
00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:19,627
I must have put
it in Archie's stew.
404
00:15:19,651 --> 00:15:22,129
Ma, how could you do that?
405
00:15:22,153 --> 00:15:23,530
I was saving that tomato
406
00:15:23,554 --> 00:15:24,966
special for Michael.
407
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,668
I said I was sorry, Gloria.
408
00:15:27,692 --> 00:15:30,693
It looked like a regular tomato.
409
00:15:33,197 --> 00:15:36,565
Didn't have no
name on it or nothing.
410
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:40,014
Something's burning.
411
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:42,683
My rolls!
412
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:47,387
Look at them.
They're all burned.
413
00:15:47,411 --> 00:15:50,891
How did the oven get up to 500?
414
00:15:50,915 --> 00:15:52,026
I did that, Ma.
415
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:54,095
I was getting it ready
for my hamburgers.
416
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,351
Well, didn't you see my rolls?
417
00:15:57,922 --> 00:16:00,668
Sorry, Ma, I didn't look. I
was in too much of a hurry.
418
00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:01,836
Excuse me, please.
419
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,471
Well, you just went and ruined
420
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:06,874
your father's whole dinner!
421
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,209
Not his whole
dinner. Just the rolls.
422
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:10,210
Well, with Archie,
423
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,446
the rolls are the best part
424
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:14,448
of the stew.
425
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,783
What?
426
00:16:15,807 --> 00:16:17,685
Well, how do you expect him
427
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:22,056
to sop up the gravy?
428
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,224
Well, what do you want me to do?
429
00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:25,726
Oh, I don't know.
430
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:27,294
Here, Ma, use one of our buns.
431
00:16:27,318 --> 00:16:28,829
Well, that won't do no good.
432
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:32,199
That's a hamburger bun.
433
00:16:32,223 --> 00:16:33,467
With stew,
434
00:16:33,491 --> 00:16:36,704
Archie has to have
his Parker House.
435
00:16:36,728 --> 00:16:39,106
What do you want
me to do? I don't know!
436
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:42,865
All I know is, you ruined
your father's dinner!
437
00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:50,417
I said I was sorry!
438
00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,086
Excuse me for living!
439
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,421
What is all the
hollering out here?
440
00:16:54,445 --> 00:16:56,423
Nothing!
441
00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:57,792
For a minute I thought
442
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,482
I was in the back room
of a Greek restaurant.
443
00:17:02,553 --> 00:17:03,731
What's the matter with you?
444
00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:04,932
Can't you act refined?
445
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,133
Daddy, doesn't it bother you
446
00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:07,868
to come home and find Ma and me
447
00:17:07,892 --> 00:17:09,103
practically at each
other's throats?
448
00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:10,905
Don't you care? Sure I do.
449
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:12,995
I told youse to
shut up, didn't I?
450
00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:15,609
It's all your fault, Daddy,
451
00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:17,178
that we're both in that kitchen
452
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,579
cooking two separate meals,
453
00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:20,581
running into one another,
getting on each other's nerves.
454
00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:22,382
That's your husband's
fault. You talk to him.
455
00:17:22,406 --> 00:17:23,584
He come into $200, here.
456
00:17:23,608 --> 00:17:25,452
He had the chance
to do the right thing
457
00:17:25,476 --> 00:17:27,722
for this here family, but
what the hell does he care?
458
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:29,924
Well, what the hell do
you expect him to do?
459
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:32,348
How dare you
curse in this house?
460
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:36,663
You're not the only father
who ever helped his kid.
461
00:17:36,687 --> 00:17:38,432
The meathead ain't my kid!
462
00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:40,067
And don't you call
him "Meathead."
463
00:17:40,091 --> 00:17:41,235
He is my husband
464
00:17:41,259 --> 00:17:43,037
and when you help
him, you help me.
465
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,638
Look, Daddy, didn't your father
466
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:46,173
ever make sacrifices for you?
467
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:47,208
No!
468
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,509
Well, wouldn't you
have liked him to?
469
00:17:49,533 --> 00:17:51,011
I mean, all fathers do that.
470
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:53,080
That's what a
family's all about.
471
00:17:53,104 --> 00:17:54,681
Don't tell me what
a family's all about.
472
00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:56,617
Look, Daddy, we made a deal.
473
00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:57,885
You're giving us room and board
474
00:17:57,909 --> 00:17:59,419
and we take care
of everything else.
475
00:17:59,443 --> 00:18:00,855
We take care of
clothes and movies
476
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,256
and Michael's books, everything!
477
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,092
That was the deal!
What's my end of that deal?
478
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:07,494
We're gonna pay you back
every penny, with interest,
479
00:18:07,518 --> 00:18:09,463
as soon as Michael
finishes school
480
00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:11,431
and starts working. Case closed!
481
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:13,600
Wait a minute... Case closed!
482
00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:14,902
All right.
483
00:18:14,926 --> 00:18:16,070
Case closed!
484
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:18,239
Except for one more thing.
485
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,373
You've got the satisfaction
486
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:20,975
of knowing that you're
helping your child
487
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,276
be better off than you.
488
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,411
Every father wants his
kid to be better than him.
489
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,247
That don't always
work that way, little girl.
490
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,982
You look at the world
around you, there.
491
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,383
Take a look at your
animal kingdom,
492
00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:30,417
for example, there.
493
00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:31,819
I mean, take your gorilla.
494
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,321
Your gorilla wants his kid to
grow up better than him too,
495
00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,522
but the kid grows up
496
00:18:35,546 --> 00:18:37,124
and there he
is, still a gorilla.
497
00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:38,148
What?
498
00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:43,030
Hello.
499
00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:44,453
Speaking of which.
500
00:18:46,557 --> 00:18:47,734
Hi, Michael, honey. Hi.
501
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:49,336
Did you vote? Oh, yeah.
502
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,671
You should have seen the turnout
503
00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:52,006
at the polls. It was great.
504
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:53,407
Yeah, it's the
first time in weeks
505
00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:55,776
you're home at a decent
hour, there, Meathead.
506
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,878
Ain't you going to
the library tonight?
507
00:18:57,902 --> 00:19:00,247
It's Election Day, Daddy.
The library's closed.
508
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:01,415
Aw, gee,
509
00:19:01,439 --> 00:19:02,883
that's too bad.
510
00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:05,219
It's always more
pleasanter around here
511
00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:06,753
when the library is open.
512
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:08,689
If you want to argue
tonight, Daddy,
513
00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:10,090
you argue with yourself.
514
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:11,091
Come on, Michael.
515
00:19:11,115 --> 00:19:12,092
Dinner.
516
00:19:12,116 --> 00:19:13,093
Gloria,
517
00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:14,094
your dinner's ready too.
518
00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:15,262
Hi, Mike. Hi, Ma.
519
00:19:15,286 --> 00:19:17,097
Gee, that stew smells great.
520
00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:19,033
Yeah, well, you just
smell it, Meathead,
521
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:20,367
and head for the kitchen.
522
00:19:20,391 --> 00:19:21,535
Your grub's out there.
523
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:22,569
Come on, Michael. Dinner.
524
00:19:22,593 --> 00:19:23,871
I'm coming.
525
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:25,172
Michael, how much longer
526
00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:26,740
do I have to cover for you
527
00:19:26,764 --> 00:19:27,975
with that library story?
528
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:29,710
Please, can't we tell
them you're working?
529
00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:30,711
No, not yet, Gloria.
530
00:19:30,735 --> 00:19:31,946
I don't want to tell him
531
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,948
until I make back the
$200 I gave to McGovern.
532
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,716
Well, how much
have you got so far?
533
00:19:35,740 --> 00:19:36,817
150.
534
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,319
Oh, is that all?
535
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,254
Well, Gloria, it'll only
take another week.
536
00:19:40,278 --> 00:19:42,122
What's for dinner?
537
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:45,159
Hamburgers.
538
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:47,161
Again?
539
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:49,196
I thought you like hamburgers.
540
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,365
I do, but not every day.
541
00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:52,466
Every other day.
542
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,690
Last night, I made you meatloaf.
543
00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:58,372
Gloria, hamburger is meatloaf.
544
00:19:58,396 --> 00:20:00,674
It's the same thing
with a different name.
545
00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:02,343
Can't you make something else?
546
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,211
Michael, I work hard all day
547
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,946
and then rush around
this kitchen like crazy
548
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:08,249
to make your dinner,
and all you do is complain.
549
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:10,851
You can thank your stupid,
pigheaded father for that.
550
00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:12,887
Hold it. Don't you
call my father names
551
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,889
just because you
had a fight with him.
552
00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:17,524
That's not being fair, and
maybe we're not being fair.
553
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:20,127
Maybe we should look at
things from his point of view.
554
00:20:20,151 --> 00:20:22,629
That would be
impossible, Gloria.
555
00:20:22,653 --> 00:20:25,465
We'd have to close
our minds first.
556
00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:27,401
Michael, there are
two sides to everything.
557
00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:28,502
Remember, it's not only
558
00:20:28,526 --> 00:20:30,170
that you didn't give
Daddy the money,
559
00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:32,373
but you gave it to
somebody he's dead against.
560
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:35,376
Gloria, whose side
are you on, anyway?
561
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,378
I'm on your side!
562
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,979
I'm always on your side!
563
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:41,415
It's just that I haven't been
home more than 10 minutes
564
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:43,918
and already I've had a fight
with my father and my mother
565
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,286
and now you!
566
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,487
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
567
00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:50,457
Oh, shut up and
eat your meatloaf!
568
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:52,026
It's hamburgers.
569
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:53,749
It's the same thing!
570
00:20:55,987 --> 00:20:58,598
Archie, do you hear them?
571
00:20:58,622 --> 00:21:01,068
You'd better go in there.
572
00:21:01,092 --> 00:21:02,736
Nah. As soon as she feeds him,
573
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,080
everything will quiet down.
574
00:21:05,763 --> 00:21:09,009
Oh, no, you got to do something.
575
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,745
Things is going to
get worse and worse.
576
00:21:11,769 --> 00:21:13,981
It's like that old saying,
577
00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:18,540
"A house divided
by itself falls down."
578
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,598
I got another old
saying for you, Edith.
579
00:21:31,622 --> 00:21:33,767
"A bird that
always flies in a fog
580
00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:36,725
is called a dingbat."
581
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:40,441
Gloria,
582
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,242
these hamburgers are great.
583
00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:43,444
See? What'd I tell you?
584
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,012
He's eating, all is happiness.
585
00:21:45,036 --> 00:21:46,246
What channel should we watch?
586
00:21:46,270 --> 00:21:47,614
Well...
587
00:21:47,638 --> 00:21:48,983
Hold it, hold it!
588
00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:50,784
Don't be talking about
watching no channels over there!
589
00:21:50,808 --> 00:21:52,453
I'm going to watch
a movie, Channel 9.
590
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:53,653
Give me my remote control.
591
00:21:53,677 --> 00:21:55,555
Arch, we want to watch
the election returns.
592
00:21:55,579 --> 00:21:56,991
You care more
about a lousy movie
593
00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:58,392
than you do a
presidential election?
594
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:00,060
Certainly! What do I
care about something
595
00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:01,661
I know how it's
going to come out?
596
00:22:01,685 --> 00:22:03,263
Everybody knows how
it's going to come out,
597
00:22:03,287 --> 00:22:04,465
including them McGovern people.
598
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:05,699
See them on the newsreels
599
00:22:05,723 --> 00:22:07,301
with all the worried
looks on their faces?
600
00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:08,635
Not the Nixons.
601
00:22:08,659 --> 00:22:10,604
See the picture of
Pat in the paper today?
602
00:22:10,628 --> 00:22:11,972
She was all smiles.
603
00:22:11,996 --> 00:22:13,140
Yeah, well,
604
00:22:13,164 --> 00:22:14,574
maybe she won't
be smiling tomorrow.
605
00:22:14,598 --> 00:22:15,976
Yes, she will, buddy boy,
606
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,345
because when she wakes
up tomorrow morning,
607
00:22:18,369 --> 00:22:19,980
she knows she's been sleeping
608
00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:23,917
with the president
of the U.S. of A.
609
00:22:23,941 --> 00:22:25,685
Is she going to McGovern's place
610
00:22:25,709 --> 00:22:27,789
or is he going to hers?
611
00:22:36,487 --> 00:22:39,500
Oh, I don't think
Mr. Nixon would like that
612
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:41,801
either way.
613
00:22:41,825 --> 00:22:43,904
Come on, Daddy,
614
00:22:43,928 --> 00:22:45,572
we want to watch
the election returns.
615
00:22:45,596 --> 00:22:46,773
Turn it on. Yeah, come on!
616
00:22:46,797 --> 00:22:48,075
You want to watch
the television,
617
00:22:48,099 --> 00:22:49,943
then chip in a little
bit for the upkeep,
618
00:22:49,967 --> 00:22:51,845
the wear and tear
and all that. All right.
619
00:22:51,869 --> 00:22:53,813
Don't start with that
again. Forget it, all right?
620
00:22:53,837 --> 00:22:55,215
We'll go watch from
McGovern headquarters.
621
00:22:55,239 --> 00:22:58,118
Right, right, because you
got $200 worth of TV watching
622
00:22:58,142 --> 00:23:00,320
coming to you down there.
You didn't pay for nothing here.
623
00:23:00,344 --> 00:23:01,555
You ain't entitled to nothing.
624
00:23:01,579 --> 00:23:02,656
All right! All right!
625
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:03,757
That's it! That's it!
626
00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:04,824
I was gonna wait
627
00:23:04,848 --> 00:23:06,726
until I had all the
money saved up,
628
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,395
but since you're so damn hungry
629
00:23:08,419 --> 00:23:09,563
for your money, Arch,
630
00:23:09,587 --> 00:23:11,198
here you are. $150. You happy?
631
00:23:11,222 --> 00:23:13,800
Hey. Hey. Look at this.
632
00:23:13,824 --> 00:23:15,869
Hey, Edith, there's
really 150 bucks
633
00:23:15,893 --> 00:23:17,337
the guy has got here.
634
00:23:17,361 --> 00:23:19,606
You mean you didn't give
this money to the McGoverns
635
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:20,707
after all?
636
00:23:20,731 --> 00:23:22,642
I did give it to McGovern, Arch.
637
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:24,144
Well, where'd
you get this, then?
638
00:23:24,168 --> 00:23:25,479
You play a number?
639
00:23:25,503 --> 00:23:28,115
No, Daddy, he earned it.
640
00:23:28,139 --> 00:23:29,316
He wasn't at the library
641
00:23:29,340 --> 00:23:30,850
studying the last two weeks.
642
00:23:30,874 --> 00:23:32,686
He was going to
school during the day
643
00:23:32,710 --> 00:23:34,488
and then working
nights at the gas station
644
00:23:34,512 --> 00:23:36,423
so that he could pay you.
645
00:23:36,447 --> 00:23:37,991
Oh, Archie!
646
00:23:38,015 --> 00:23:40,527
Ain't you proud of him?
647
00:23:40,551 --> 00:23:41,995
Gee whiz.
648
00:23:42,019 --> 00:23:45,732
You mean the meathead
was actually working at a job?
649
00:23:45,756 --> 00:23:46,833
That's right, Arch.
650
00:23:46,857 --> 00:23:47,834
That's right,
651
00:23:47,858 --> 00:23:49,169
and between school and that job,
652
00:23:49,193 --> 00:23:51,171
I worked my butt off
to get you that money.
653
00:23:51,195 --> 00:23:52,306
That's right,
654
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:54,108
and just the way I
got you that money,
655
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:56,110
I'm going to get you
every nickel I owe you!
656
00:23:56,134 --> 00:23:57,711
Are you satisfied, Daddy?
657
00:23:57,735 --> 00:24:00,814
Oh, well, I hear him
talking over there,
658
00:24:00,838 --> 00:24:02,182
but, uh...
659
00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:05,785
when am I going to
see this other 50 here?
660
00:24:08,346 --> 00:24:10,790
Did you see what she did?
661
00:24:10,814 --> 00:24:11,814
That's right, Arch.
662
00:24:19,823 --> 00:24:21,335
Oh, there comes Mr. Nixon
663
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,238
out of the voting booth.
664
00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:27,263
I wonder who he voted for.
665
00:24:37,208 --> 00:24:39,353
Who do you think he voted for?
666
00:24:39,377 --> 00:24:40,887
He voted for himself.
667
00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:43,056
Just like I told you, Arch.
668
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,725
He keeps making
the same mistakes
669
00:24:45,749 --> 00:24:47,727
over and over again.
670
00:25:14,878 --> 00:25:18,325
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
671
00:25:18,349 --> 00:25:20,382
before a live audience.